The defending World Series Champions are officially eliminated from this year’s postseason. Less than one year after they won it all, the Giants are among the 22 teams who will be watching this year’s playoffs rather than participating. Their Bay Area counterparts, the Oakland A’s, were in the spotlight this weekend and not because of their robust 72-87 record. “Moneyball” released in theaters nation-wide and finished 2nd at the box office, grossing $20.6 million (1st was the 3D version of the “Lion King” which a friend of mine saw and described as “Lion King in HD, rather than 3D”). I have yet to see the film but have heard fairly good reviews about it.
While the movie may only seem to reach out to sports and baseball enthusiasts, it does seem to reach out to the regular movie-goer for 2 reasons: 1) Brad Pitt’s chiseled face and 2) it shows Billy Beane trying to achieve something that we all wish we could do: succeed in life without spending a lot of money.
I do plan on seeing “Moneyball” soon but I started to wonder, what would a Giants movie be like? What actors would play people within the organization? I began to answer these questions and this is what I’ve come up with (This should ease the blow of not making the playoffs this year for you right?):
Title: The Giants Way
Reasoning: Through various interviews, we’ve heard the Giants upper-management say that they wanted to win using “the Giants way“. Up until last year, that term infuriated fans. What was “the Giants way” exactly? Was it highlighting Barry Bonds’ home run chase while the team suffered? Was it stacking up on so much pitching that they forgot there was hitting involved in baseball? Was it being content with how the team was because they knew they would attract fans due to their fan-friendly ballpark? Whatever it was, it eventually lead to a World Series championship, so I guess you can’t complain too much.
I’m picturing the beginning of the movie starting with Bonds hitting 756, his retirement and then the movie ending with the World Series victory. I’m on to something here.
Playing the role of Brian Sabean: Sean Connery
Reasoning: That’s right. James Bond is going to be the general manager. When I looked at actors who had similarities to Sabean, I looked for 2 things: grey hair and undeniable swagger. I know Connery is bald now, but the people in charge of hair and makeup could easily configure a wig to give him Sabean’s flowing locks. Now in regards to the “swagger”, Sabean has loads of it. Think about it. Up until last year, the Giants hadn’t had a ton of success since the early 2000’s and the fans and the media weren’t scared to let him know that. After Barry Bonds “retired”, Sabean went as far away as he could from hitting (probably to avoid anymore steroid talk) and focused on pitching. He stocked the minors with pitchers like Matt Cain, Tim Lincecum and Madison Bumgarner. While the offense struggled and he continually signed veteran players who were past their prime, he kept preaching that this was the way to go. I guess he said it enough to himself and to everyone else because last year, he was right. That is “swagger”. Plus wouldn’t it be awesome to hear Sean Connery as Sabean say, “Yesh, Aaron Rowand, I would love to give you sixshty-million dollars” while ominous music plays?
Playing the role of Bruce Bochy: Robert De Niro
Reasoning: Bruce Bochy interviews are just about as interesting as watching paint dry. But after last year, people started drinking the Bruce Bochy-Kool Aid because well, every decision he made seemed to be the right one. De Niro is very similiar in that in his interviews, he’s absolutely dull and looks very uninterested but when you put that camera on him and yell “Action!”, he lights up the screen. De Niro could win an Oscar playing Bochy in the scene where Don Mattingly was caught visiting the mound twice last year when they played the Dodgers. A tear came to my eye just thinking about it.
Playing the role of Tim Lincecum: James Franco
Reasoning: Franco is one of Hollywood’s rising stars. While I personally am not his biggest fan, his stock has risen considerably since his role as Harry Osborne in the Spider Man movies. However, I’ve noticed something about Franco. He does seem to enjoy playing roles where the character enjoys…how do I put this…an “escape” from the real world. Actually, he seems to be that way in real life. A lot. Did you see him host the Oscars? His body was there. His mind was not. Lincecum had a brush with the law a few seasons ago that has lead a lot of San Franciscans to wearing this shirt, which is perfect for Franco. Similar to De Niro, while Franco may seem completely out of it, when he is on screen, he can be dynamic, just like Lincecum on the mound.
Playing the role of Barry Bonds: Denzel Washington
Reasoning: Denzel can play anyone. From a narcotics cop living by his own rules to a father holding a hospital hostage until doctors agree to operate on his son. He’s one of my favorite actors of all time and one of the best in the game right now. You know how some actors have to put on weight or lose weight for a role? I could just imagine the things Denzel would have to do to make his head puff up to the size of 3 bowling balls. Also, can’t you just see Denzel going off in a scene yelling “Jeff Kent a’int got **** on me!“
Playing the role of Pablo Sandoval: The animated Panda from “Kung Fu Panda“
Reasoning: Yes, I understand that the panda from the movie isn’t a real panda. But wouldn’t that make the movie that much more interesting? Sandoval as an animated panda who can hit and play third base is award-winning stuff. It would be like Avatar. Plus, it would provide the ability to make the movie 3D, be more kid-friendly and you can charge an extra $3 to see it. More money for the studio. I know what I’m talking about.
Playing the role of Barry Zito: The stack of money with eyes on it from the Geico commercials
Reasoning: Do I really need to explain this?
Playing the role of Brian Wilson: Brian Wilson
Reasoning: No actor, no matter how great, could capture the essence of Brian Wilson, so therefore, he would have to play himself.
If you are interested in funding this movie idea of mine, I will accept any and all donations as I write the screenplay for it.